Renaissance Column

WINTER 1998 | VOL. 1, NO. 4


COLUMNS | This Issue


UP NEXT | Desctructive Chat Rooms

James Iannone | Anthony Marciano


KEVIN RIDOLFI, a graphic designer and HTML programmer from Pawtucket, Rhode Island, is the creator and editor of Renaissance Online Magazine. more




Mailitus Spamus


A plague has hit. Unlike other recent plagues, this disease affects neither cows nor chickens -- as a matter of fact, live stock isn't in danger at all. We are.

Or more aptly, our email inboxes and precious server space are. They sit defenseless, under attack by the infectuous disease known as Mailitus Spamus, or Spam Mail. Spam mail contaminates your email inbox with thousands upon thousands of unwanted and annoying messages. It slowly kills off your patience bit by bit (or is it byte by byte) as huge files slow download time (and keep you from important things like

So hide the spouse and kids. And, more importantly, notify your service provider.

"Make phone calls over the internet."

"Sign up for our no-interest invisible credit card!"

"Pay $19.99 now and chocolate will shoot from your Zip drive tomorrow!!"

"Sell Spam (the canned meat not our annoying email) from the comfort of your own home."

"Rich, geek Visa -- join now and receive your own Bill Gates door calendar. Wow!!"

These are actual spam messages sent to me from a galaxy far, far away. Located near the TelemarketingDuringDinner solar system. Sound familiar? Has it ever occurred to these "spammers" (tiny people who compose irritating email, not people who enjoy processed meats) that we could do a web search for lovable rubber pets if we really wanted one? We don't need ten daily reminders of their existence. Actually, I'd like to forget that they do exist -- not that I'm all together sure that they do or who would buy them if they did, but you get the point.

As I see it, you can control Spamus three ways:

  1. Develop an X-files governmental conspiracy theory
  2. Sit on your couch eating Cheetos
  3. Send complaint letters to your provider.

Whichever you choose, at least do something to battle this powerful plague. Now, are you completely riled up? Good. Just send $19.99 to "Can the Spam," Sucker, CA and the problem will be solved. You'll receive seven email confirmations in about one week.

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